Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Lesson #2. It's a fine line between playful eye contact and the piercing stare of a psychopath.

Leccion Numero Dos, for my Spanish Amigos.

It doesn'’t matter where you are, whether you'’re at a bar or lurking naked behind a Fig tree, the rule still applies; nothing will send her running faster that an elongated glance that crosses the line from teasing to terrifying. Trust me on this one mon frere.

Many a time this opportunity has presented itself to men all over the world and all they've got to show for it is a shrug of the shoulders and a puzzled look, similar to the look your dog gets after you've hot boxed the both of you in the solarium.

Heed my words, Flanders. Your initial glance is the gateway to her Xanadu.

Step 1: Find a Perch [a good vantage point that you can scope out your target(s)].

In my years I have defaulted to one particular spot that I find works every time. Regardless of which bar, lounge or club, one of the best Perches is within eyeshot of the ladies washroom. Get your peeping-Tom mind outta the gutter. You get an unequalled view of the majority of ladies in the bar. Why? Most be drinking, therefore, most be peeing at some point during the night.

Step 2: Spot your target.

You've sided up the entire room, taken into consideration all that the evening has to offer and now you have found her, The One. She is either stunningly beautiful, an angel sent by God himself and undoubtedly a challenge or a tender flower that you sense has such low self-esteem that she'll be easy-pickin's for a veteran MacDaddy such as yourself. My friend keep in mind, the high road is sometimes the loneliest road of all.

Step 3: Look towards her direction
(not directly at her, but in her general direction).

This will give you a good overview of her surrounding, who she'’s with, obstacles ( girlfriends, stairs, boyfriend etc) that may impede your progress when initiating contact.

Step 4: The Look

The first 3 steps are primer for this step. The culmination of your effects, if executed properly, will come to fruition at this point.

A quick review for any of you suffering from ADHD; you'’ve picked your spot, found your mark and surveyed the surrounds. Now's the time for The Look. Not the Marty Feldman type but the Owen Wilson, innocent, deviant type of look.

A couple of "“feeler"” glances should give you an indication of her interest level. Feelers are quick looks at your target. When accompanied by a smile, the results are generally positive. No big 32-tooth smile, just a simple smile, same smile you'd give your mom after she tells you "you'’re special." If she returns the smile my friend, you're in like Flynn.

Now it's up to you Big Boy. Use your charm, your charisma, your limited vocabulary anything you can to woo The One.

In our next lesson, we'’ll touch upon the subject of the fabled "“Wingman,"” your only true comrade in this diversion called mating.

Lesson #1. It's easier to pit one women against another, than to defend yourself to either.

Perfect example, I was on a date with a lady friend that I'm very interested in. However, there have been rumors floating around the watercooler that I was unfaithful to my X-wife. My new lady friend and my X have somewhat of a mutual Acquaintance . Anyhow, I needed to find out if my lady friend has been privy to any of these rumors which originated from my X and the mutual Acquaintance.

I gave up trying to find out what she may have heard, instead I focused on discrediting the mutual Acquaintance.

First, My lady friend has the utmost respect for her boss, however the Acquaintance who used to work for the same boss has nothing but sh*t to say about the boss.

Second, I asked lady friend what she thought of her boss (knowing full well that the answer would be positive). She asked me why. I stated that I had heard from said Acquaintance that the boss was dishonest and shallow. Lady friend instantly came to the defense of the boss, she even went so far as to bad mouth the Acquaintance ("...look at the source who's telling you that...").

Now young Jedi, there is the secret. Regardless of what lady friend may have heard or not; or what she may potentially hear from the Acquaintance. In her mind the Acquaintance is not a reliable source. Whether it's about her boss or you, that pain of an Acquaintance is no longer a variable.

Monday, July 11, 2005

All I got was HotWheels...

These parents win the parenting crown for 2004. I found this on :

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A couple pleaded guilty Thursday to hiring a stripper for their son's 16th birthday party and were sentenced to two years probation.

Landon and Anette Pharris, who were charged with contributing the delinquency of a minor, also were ordered to take parenting classes. The parents hired the stripper to perform at a September party attended by about a dozen young people. Cassandra Park, 29, who police say used the stage name Sassy, danced for a few hours before partygoers took up a collection and paid her $150 US more to fully disrobe, Anette Pharris said.

The stripper and the man she was with were also granted probation.

Police were tipped off to the party by a photo developer at a drug store who saw pictures of the occasion.

Pharris said after being arrested that she tried to do something special for her son.

"We even had grandpa there," she said.